it's been a wild ride, & i wouldnt change a minute.\

if you don't like it, then you can just pass the blunt to the nigga on the left !

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 02:24:29 GMT

so hum. this is really creepy. reading back into this shit from like 4 years ago. i sound so pitiful and stupid. i guess i was though so it's alright, right? sure. well,,,, now its been a REALLY long while. i've graduated from stupid fucking arcadia. yay for me. and in about a month and a half i'll be moving into the ocotillo dorm at ASU. i'm actually really excited. i think its going to be awesome to move out, and meet a bunch of new people and shit, and finally get a chance to be more independent. umm.... so im dealing with boredom in my relationship with jesse. i love him to death but after a year like whats next? nothing? i'm bored with everything. i love him and i love being around him, but i'm just in a slump i guess . i dont know how to fix it though. whatever. i'll deal with it or find a solution..... man I LOVE ACID. me and jesse and sweens did it a couple days ago. it's just so awesome and fun and while you don't see any big purple dragons or anything i think it kind of opens your mind to a new level that its never been on before and that after you kind of look at everything a little differently.... or maybe i'm just high. whatever. mandy's coming over now.

LONG TIME NO WRITE.

Thu, 21 Sep 2006 21:12:06 GMT

shit. i havent updated this thing in so long.
well.

i just want to mention my last saturday of summer: big 4kegger camelback party. woke up with a dick drewn on my leg the next day. butttttttttt it ewas fun.

school started. its going by pretty fast. already a month done! my classes are cool, i really like HPA.

im in alaska rigbht now. its cool

COMIGN HOME SATURDAY

=]

i miss my dad.

umm. gotta go do homework. laterrrrrrrr

Fri, 18 Aug 2006 21:57:10 GMT

UHMMMMMM> WELLLLLL.
I went to cali.
it was better than i was expecting. I saw sawyer! his friends are nuts. they scared me, but i liked them at the same time. we actually gave him a ride from phoenix to az, just my mom and him and i. kirk flew. it was pretty fun. mom and i saw the rocky horror picture show in theaters, and that was proabably some of the craziest shit i've ever seen. leeeeeets see.

oh so sat night sami came over!!!!!! first time i've seen her in more than a MONTH. wow. craszy. the next day we went home and smoked. honestlly those few days are a blur to me. um tuesday though i remember t uesday we went to lisas and smoked some of the day then went home then went back adn then got soooo drunk at this party. it got kind of out of hand. i hooked up with tyler. oh geez. in a treehouse and i guess somewhere else. um. i lost a shoe. the house was so bomb thougH!!!!!!! crazy handicapped people. i woke up the next day with alot of crazy shit wrong with me.

the next day was registration. BLECH. i had to see my mom all hung over and shit. then we went to applebees. then um,. i dont remember. got high. smoked somked smoked. alot. wow. wednesday night was a lazy night./ thursday night ihungout with layne and taylor and mandy and kaleigh. it was cool i guesssss.
TODAY IS FRIDAY.
so much crazy shit has happend to me in the last few days. i cant even remember it all.
BLAAAAAAAAAAAHDASLFKJASDLNBA. I LOVE LIFE THOUGH.
and summer is almost over.
oh well.
it was badass while it was here.
i dont actually think much is gonna change.
only what we do during the day. nooooo biggie.

=]]

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 17:39:30 GMT

sooooo i dont remember what the last day was that i updated, but i'll start from ummm monday. I went to lisas house at nightttt, we got crunk at her house with nikki, will, adam, scott umm we went to brandon cutlers house, he wasnt there though. jason brierley was babysitting it. shit got crazy. we went to a haunted house [?!?!?!] my ear hurt like fuck. we got home at like 3. went tosleep. woke up, my ear hurt.
tuesday-went to the doctor becu acse i couldnt take the pain, i have swimmers ear. lame. dude, weak. didn't do anything tuesday. MONSTER FATTY STORM. crazy green lightening. nutso!.
wednesday- went to dads, layne came over. smoked alot of bud.....then we hungout with taylor kaleigh mandy alex and this scott kid. smoked more, mroe more. got some pfunks... um... layne taylor kaleigh and i came home smoked then taylor and kaleigh left and then layne and i went to sleep./
thursday- we woke up. major wake and bake. 3 bowls outta conny. then to laynes, pfunk time. then tacobell!!! [damn i forgot about our mcdonalds experience earlier. side story. we were at micky ds and i did a funny voice and we were both laughing then the guy asked me to repeat the order and i c ouldnt stop laughing for like 10 minutes so i was just like "i gotta go...." and left. we went to burger king instead hahahahah] byt ummmm then we hung out iwth taylor and britttany and smoked outta arlow the killer in taylors doll house. then we ummmm watched party monster then we nt to britts work for 1 dollar ice cream! then ummm home. then uncle jeffs cus im house sitting it. then home. dinner. thennnnn,,,,,, picked up taylor and kaleigh. then met up with mandy and alex and smokey smoked then mandy and alex ditched us so we went to the lopezes and smoked more. and got somas. then we went to stevens and smoked more. FINALLY, SOME DANKIDY DANK. sheesh. smoked a couple blunts too. they make me happy. =D hahahah. ummm, took everyone hojme. came home, watched part of the family guy movie. it was nice.

my ear is starting to feel better. not completely though..
tylers coming home today! =D this makes me verrrrry happy. i really wanna hangout with him tomorrow, hopefully it'll work out. he was gone for so long..

um. yep.thats it. dude, i'd give life in general like a 9 [scale of 1-10] only not having this ear infection could imporove it. i love life, and i love summer.and i love hanging otu with lots of different people, it keeps it interesting and craszy!!!!!!!! =] hahahahahh damn.

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 06:44:13 GMT

OMG. wow
so ummmmm
lets see.
wednesday-slept at tonys house, oh holy god it was amazing. idont rmemember half of the night but itwas so fucking fun. i have so many bruises and cuts and scrapes and like a bump on my forehead and a hurt elbow. i dont remember falling,except one time. wooooow
thursday- woke up WAY EARLY wearing just my swimsuit kissing justin r. WERID GROSS SICK. went grocery shopping with carly. went swimming. came home, soked some bud with hehe. slept slept slept.
friday- i dont remember what i did during the day. oh yeah, some nothing, then keegans with pops for lunch. then went home., somked a bowl, jammed over to kaleighs [haha fuck, jammed??] then went to the pointtttttt. started drinking at like 530, got real drunk, got prettttttty high, stole a sombrero, had a dance party with this badass 8yearolddd and this lady named roberta daaamn. went on a couple smoke drives, one of which we got lost on !!! [me, chance., nick, taytay, britt] it was amazing. hahaha uuuummmm stole some cigs hahahaha um passed out watched brittany go striking, FOUND NORBERT!!! i lost 2 pairs of shorts, and gained 2 shirts!! haha. damn.
today- got up at like 530, did some stuff, went back to sleep. got up around 945 and went to the other point, where we spent the day. OMG AND TAY TAY AND I WERE walking and i waslike "man i could go for a pfunk right now" and I LOOKED AND THERE WERE 2, JUST SITTING THERE. WAITING. LIKE A GIFT FROM GOD! so we took them, that was the highlight of my day. fosho. then ummmm came home, then tay & kay came over and we smoked, then went to kelly's for dinner that she made AND OMG THE CAKE WAS SO GOOD. then ummmm we did some stupid stuff then i got some somas from keelly and i took 2 and ii got some dankidy dank [?? hahaha] from matty b then came up on the roof and smoked and whatnot. i feel so good . NO PAIN FOR ME!

butttttt
while i was up there i had this amazizng realization:
i was wondering like why my mom had to drug test me, why did god make weed illegal if he created it in the first place. if he intended it to be harmful it probalby wouldnt have been created. so he ovbiously thinks its good. god has a purpose for everythign that happens. he created weed, but made it illegal becasue he's testing us. he wants to see if we conform to the rules and regulations or if we go ahead and do it. its a moral test. but its aaalso a test of courage. who will rise up against the odds and leagalize it? i thinkthats what he really wants. its a test to see what we as a world will do. god, i am a fucking geniusss. like a philosapher. and you know what? IM GOING TO RISE UP AND LEGALIZE IT. hella tight. hahah oh holy jesus, im a little out of it.

ummmmmm
soooo,
i dont know.
but i wannnnnt to live like this for my whole life. this kind of lifestyle. - the bruises maybe. but right meow, im goign to watch me some southpark. mwaaahahahah=]

Mon, 17 Jul 2006 07:05:49 GMT

so ummmmmmmmmm yeah. where to start.

well, last night i went to the dashboard concert with RaeJay. it was so amazing. the lead singer is perhaps more passionate than anyone i have ever seen. you can just tell that music is number one, and the way he expresses himself is so amazing, his lyrics. ahh. it gave me the shivers.

mmmmmmmmm yeah the more i talk to tyler the more i like him. i just sometimes wish he were a little cuter, but you know what. looks dont matter that much. he is so nice and i dont know i cant even explain it. just like the things he says and how he acts amazes me. in a good way.

and sawyer. im so happy that he is here. his looks are growing on me, his hair and whatnot i mean., we hung outagain at my casa with danny mark jacob and kevvy and itwas fun. they are such fun boys.

i miss sami! sheesh, she is goign to be gone fora long time.

tooooday i went swimmming at the doubletree. it was funnnn, we played volleyball.

ummmmm i cant think of anything else to say.

did i mention that ihooked up with chico?> yeah, badf move i think. whatever. he is so self-centered. reminds me of someone else that i know. drives me craazy. i think that i want to be just friends with him. i cant be sure though, i might change my mind haha i do that alot./

TO DO LIST:
[]make brownies
[]salvia
[]salt river tubeing (at least once)
[]camp out!
[]build a fort
[]train scamper
[]get a new addition to the family.

DRIVE IN TO ME

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 01:54:45 GMT

ime started: 6:18
full name: Rachel Kristen Lemler
nickname(s): lemler, rach, rae, lemmy, iidkkk
birthday: May 18, 1990
where you were born: Scottsdale Memorial Hospital, in Arizona..
zodiac sign: the bull
height: maybe 5'4
weight: 125? dont check that often
hair color: Blonde
eye color: Blueeeee
shoe size: 6/7
ring size: can't say that i know!
skin type: HELLA pale.... hyaha
blood type: blue on the inside, red outside.
grade: 11.. =]
GPA: like a 3.8 or something equally amazing.....
siblings:zerooo
tatoos: none, not yet.
peircings: 4
hobbies: tennis, videogames, movies, fuck this is lame.. im not listing them all.

FAVORITE:
color: green
food: italiano
candy: anything sour. especially sour jacks
type of cheese: orange
pizza topping: cheese
salad dressing: ummm idk
sandwich: either that thing from chebas :)...or PB&J... or ham
cereal: nnnnnone. PANCAKES
fruit: apple, grapes, bananas...
vegetable: brocolli
berry: blueberry
cake: white, with chocolate outsides. and rainbow sprinkles!
book: dont have one. i love reading.
movie: i dont kknowwww i love movies.
magazine: COSMOGIRL hahahaha yeah.
newspaper: the funny section
tv show: SOUTHPARK SOUTHPARK SOUTHPARK
website: myyyspaceeee. haha or that poppit place. google?
radio station: im all about cd's no radio.
font: arial.
cartoon character: cartman, hes my idol
artist (painter): pops
actor: ryan renyoldds, jake gyllenhaal.
actress: iiiii dont know
cd: subliem sublime sublime
song: anything sublime or pepper
music group: sublime, pepper, third eye blind, brand new, jimi hendrix, 311
music type: i guess its dub.
day of the week: friday, but saturdays make me happy too
month: may (my b-day, and the start of summer)
season: fall/summer
holiday: haloween
shampoo: dr. bronners.
conditioner: Dr. Bronners
number: 3
phrase: your an ass raming uncle fucker. hahahah i dont really say that i just love southpark. maybe i'll start?
store: haha, i like office max, and home, and thrifty threads
weather: overcast, but no headaches.
restaurant: CASA EFFING BONITA
channel: comedy central, nick, disney,,, cartoon network, NICK GAS hahaha
teacher: mr. levenbaum, maybe. all the 7th grade teachers were cool.
hangout: wherever the kiidddds are
house color: something nice and not too bright.
sport to watch: maybe tennis now.
sport to play: i really like tennnis, but badmitten is way badass.
animal: dude i'd be a dolphin. or a porpus.
flower: blue ones.
guy's name: Roy, Conrad, Vulcan.....
girl's name: idk
board game: oh well i'm really good at payday?
party game: KINGS forrrsure
story from childhood: rumple skiltsken or however you spell it haha
body part: probablyyy my ears. they're not normal, or so i've been told. they're "connected" ?

HAVE YOU EVER
been on a train: yes for three dyas straight
been on a plane: oh yeah lots of tiems
been in a car accident: it was more like an oops..
cause a car accident: the oops.
run into a wall: on a regular basis
burned a potato chip: what happens when you do that
almost burned the house down: no, but erika almost burned my house down!
broken the law: yeah we do that everrrry day. haha
burned a cd: only like a mmllioin..
kissed someone of the opposite sex: uh huh
kissed someone of the same sex: yes
frenched an animal: no but i know someone who licked a dogs butt... haha i wasnt there, but i've heard some stories...
made out: yyyup
had cyber sex: only like once or twice..
gotten engaged: i have plans to marry tyme.
had an online relationship: nope
been rejected by a crush: i haven't asked anyone out but i've liked peopel that didn't like me back...
loved: yesss
made yourself cry to get out of trouble: yeah numerous times
cried in public: yessss
cried over a movie: yeah like yesterday
fallen asleep in a movie theater: tried to do thqat tooo but couldnt get comfy enough
given someone a bath: yeah
been to a boarding school: no its not hihg on my to do list
lost a valuable item: if 'lost' mean had somethign stolen by beaners, yes. but yeah ive lost some stuff too
bungee jumped: not yet.
skied: yup
met the president: no but kirk has.
met a celebrity: yup
gotten a cavity: nooope!
shopped at abercrombie and fitch: yeah
made a prank call: haha oh yeah were massters of that shit
skipped school: umm if your dad lets you stay home when he knows your not sick just for fun then yeah..
faked sick to get out of school: oh so many a time
purchased something you knew didn't fit: why would someone do that?
climbed a tree: yessss
fallen from a tree: not hard.
broken a bone: noppeeee
sprained anything: yeah
passed out: yes haha
made yourself pass out: yeah that grab your neck shit. no bueno
been to disney world: disney LAND, yes but disney WORLD, no. not yet at least
been to a theme park(not disney): yessss <3!!!
said i love you and meant it (not a relative): ya
made a model volcano (working model): mm no we did way better things at ANLC
made a clover leaf with your tongue: no my tounge can't do fancy tricks, but i learned how to open a starburst with my tounge!!

PAST:
what did you do yesterday: ummm a bunch of smoking, saw click, hungout with sami, went to roberts, drank..
memory you miss most: idk i like most of my memories
memory you want to forget: have a lot of memories i'd like to forget too...
something you regretted after it was done: no, you learn from all choices and situations, dont regret any of them, they make you into the person you are now.

THE LAST:
song you heard: well i'm listening to "under the sea" but before that it was death cab...
cd you bought: uuuuuuuummmmmmm maybe 311
thing you said: "okay, i'll call you after dinner, bye"
time you cried: yesterday at the movie
movie seen in a theater: CLICK
thing you ate: burger
person who called: Sawyer
nail polish shade worn: toes pink nails french manicure
time you showered: a few hours ago
person who complimented you: meggy

AT THIS MOMENT:
what are you listening to: underthe sea
what are you wearing: megs old bball shorts she traded me, my green striped shirt with a littleeee pockety =]
what are you thinking: that i need to study for sience and spanish
what are you scared of most: my mom, and my dad moving away and me getting stuck in arizona with my mom.
how many people are on your buddy list: 152

FUTURE:
occupation: SCIENTIST
marriage site: somewhere breathtaking
honeymoon: somewhere i've never been.
place to live: hawaii. cali. idk. somewhere exotic
kids: at least 2. thats a good number
car: i dont knowwwww. soemthing sexaaaay and stealth
what are you doing tomorrow: prob hanging out with sami, doing charity work, going to moms
will there be a wwIII: anything's possible
will politics ever be truthful: no, part of politics is deception. thats how they orchestrate things.
will humanity snuff itself out: if they dont chill out, maybe smoke a fatty blunt or something, then yes.
can the gov. be changed: umm, we need totally new people with new views and opinions. nothing like the people we have now. stuck up old men. blech.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
heaven: not sure
hell: not sure
angels: not sure
devil: no
god: yes, some kind of god.
buddha: yes
ghosts: yeah i think i do.
spirit(soul): yes
soulmates: no.
reincarnation: i do. i really like that idea..
love at first sight: maybbe
karma: hell yeah
love in general: yeah
luck: yeah i guess
yourself: yeah.

crush: nobody, pimpin it summer style
who and when was your first crush: umm, i liked riley roberts and connor riley in preschool. =] haha
a celebrity crush: ryan rennyolds
who do you want to be with right now: everyone from last summer.
whos number do you want: this one kidddddddd i met..
who do you want to kiss: someone cute
something you dont understand about the opposite sex: why one girl isnt enough
if you could go on a date with anybody, who would it be: spomeone with good manners, and someone who would compliment me.
on scale of one to ten, how romantic are you: idk?
first thing you notice about the opposite sex: Shoes, eyes, hair in that order
who do you look for personality wise: umm, funny, nice, considerate, not a liar
biggest turn on: a really cool personality.. soemone whos fun to hang out with.
biggest turn off: liars, dumbasses that try to impress their friends
something they wear that turns you on: button up shirts and kinda tight pants.
something they wear that turns you off: sandals. yuck. gross feet = no bueno.
the most romantic thing that has happened to you: nothing cute.
the most romantic thing you want to happen to you: fuck idk isnt it suposed to be a surprise? thats way better at least...
what do you wear on a coffee date: coffee date? normal clothes
is it right to flirt if you're taken: maybe it's not right, but i'm pretty sure that even if you dont mean you, you probably will flirt. so theres no reason for your boyfriend/girlfriend to get real mad, cuz they're probably doing it too.
are eyes the passegeway to the soul: yeah. mty mom can tell like anything by looking at my eyes.
who would you like to take to the prom: forget prom. im way too cool
do you want to hug somebody right now: yeah hugs are nice
do you know what aphrodisiac is: yes, 1 : an agent (as a food or drug) that arouses or is held to arouse sexual desire
2 : something that excites...

DESCRIBE:
mellow: chill
melancholy: sad. debby downer
the perfect date: doing something fun and random,
the perfect mate: hotttie with a body. kidding. smart, nice, funny, RICH, hahahah =]
how m&m's are made: a big machine
why manhole covers are round: well square doesnt make very much sense does it?>

ONE OR THE OTHER:
coke/pepsi: pepsi i guess
sprite/ 7-up: sprite
boxers/briefs: boxers
gold/silver: silver [gold=ghetto]
vanilla/chocolate: depends on what and my mood
flowers/candy: candy
book/magazine: book
tv/radio: tv
glass half empty/half full: the cup is NOT half empty, as pessimists say
democrat/republican: its fucked either way.
colored pencils/markers: pencils
coffee/tea: tea
sun/moon: moon
day/night: night
hot/cold: cold
dog/cat: dog.
button/zipper: zippper
cotton/feather: NOT COTTON UCGGGG
blue/purple: blue
plumber/trashman: hah plumbers crack is sexxxxy! hah NOT
jeans/shorts: depends if its summer or not. summer is brutal with jeans. but i like wearing them
long distance relationships/none: depends onthe distance and the boy
mechanical/regular pencil: mechanical
matt/ben: um..
tat 70's show/simpsons: both are funny!
kelso/eric: kelso!
donna/jackie: donna!
bart/lisa: BART!
romeo/juliet: romeo
romantic comedy/thriller: thriller
nsync/bsb: nsync
peanut butter/jelly: Peanut Butter Baby!!
waffles/pancakes: pancakes
letter/email: letter
florida/california: california
pizza/burgers: burgers
hat/visor: TRUCKER HAT!!
football/rugby: football
iceskating/blading: rollerblading, represent!
movie at home/ in theater: both are fun, but it mostly depends who your with!

FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU HEAR:
yellow: cheese
red lipstick: 2 dolla hoe!
socks: softball
cowtipping: snapple
moulin rouge: saddd movie!
greenland: icy?
iceland: trees
harry potter: pothead
red: roses
blackberry: pie
rose: im sorry
rooster: COCK
taxes: money money money
bill clinton: "i did not have sexual intercourse with that woman"
whipped cream: licking..
george w. bush: faggot
lollipops: big ones from dland
dreams: hard to remember
love: fuck that
guys: hotties?
south park: screw you guys., im going home
boy bands: nsync
penguins: ice
girls: crafty
thong: greenn
death: sad
spoons: ice cream
junk mail: pain in the ass
dairy: this is my dairy. kindoff

time ended:6:53.. this took forever!

ARE YOU iN?

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 00:34:04 GMT

wowowowoowowowooww
so much has happened. its been so long.
i hate how i always start my journal entrys like that.
pretty sure that means i dont update enough.
cuz i can never keep all my dates and days of the weak and shit straight.
PROBLEMSSSSSS
haha
ohmmmm
sooo

PARIS!!!!! was so amazing
i loved every minute of it
we drank, i bought cigarettes, saw BEAUTIFUL scenery,
and was sosososoos content.
i love my aunt&uncle. and i had fun with raejay,

ummm cali not quite as fun.
okay though, her mom let me have the car
def wasnt what i expected
but we went to disneyland!!!!! that was so fun i love it there
i really think it might be one of the best places in the whole world.
foshoooo

after i got home the first week i just like chiiled i hadn't been home in so long it felt like and i missed my mom and dad and just everything. being home was amazing.

already ive only been home like a week1/2 ish but i've had chico drama. im so over him he makes a big deal about everything even if theres nothing to be made a big deal of.

sawyers here!! it makes me so happy. i really missed him. HES KINDOF GOOFY LOOKING. i wish he would cut his hair. that would be very nice, in my opinion. alsoooo

i met this kid named tyler. hes nice. kindofffffff werid, but nice..

ummmm

a couple nights ago i went to lisas with sami and it was fun we played kings NO THROWING UP THAT TIME!! i also think it was like the most pot i smoked in a long time we had 5 bowls going around at once it was rediculiousssssssss and we had already hung out with conrad& arlow that day (sami and I)

oh yeah sami and myself are writing stories. they're so fun i love creative colaborating.

AND SWIMMING

i've been swimming a whole whole bunch..

oh yeah last night
was werid/fun whatev
hung out with little matty downs, rachel, pete before he left, robert, nav, pat and these 2 other kids. got a teeny bit drunk. i took like 4 shots but that was enough since i had to drive homeeeeee.

i think i'm not gonna drink & smoke for a little while. a few days at least, i feel like gross like my lungs hurt or something./ i need to clean out my system and just be healthy for a while.

SAMIS LEAVING FOR A WHOLE MONTH. im not really sure what i'm gonna do yet. the entire time i've been home shes been with me like kevery single day. this is going to suck donkeyballs i think. but you knowwww what i'm going to liveeeee this summer to the fullest and try to do the most crazy shit that i can along the way and just go nuts haha next year i'm gonna be a JUNIOR thats so crazy i'm so happy i'm totally almost done with highschool before i know it i'll be off to college thats kindof intimidating to think about but ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i am so excited for just like the next few years of my life. they will be completely amazing.

When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will konw peace

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 19:10:21 GMT

its summer.....
HELL YEAHHHH!

so
my summer has gone as follows:
thursday- didn't do taht much, hungout with samiand some other kids, then we went and hungout with pete robert and brett.
friday- TUBING!! hell yeah, so fun. even though i got chafed, i also got crunk on the salt river. it was so fun! tony, lisa, nick, sami, laura, ashley and i had an amazinggggg time. that night sami and i hungout with sergedog and his cute cute irish friend.. =]
saturday- man oh man. during the day, i cant rmembmer. oh yeah, i got my hair done! and then sami and i went to lisas house. ashley rachel b sami lisa and i spent the night. hannah laura natalie justin connor all came over and some kid named scott and these kids named matt and tyler? they had alot of bud it was cool. but i got wayyyyy too drunk way to early and smoked way to much playing kings and like freaking started throwing up so early., i was passed out at like 11:30 i think. uckkkkkkkk.
sunday- hung around the house with sami, then nighttime went to lisas. NO DRINKING THAT TIME. just smoking. fun fun. same people at lisas + like 20 more. partyayyyyyyy. went home early. slept slept slept. feel totally recovered. i'm packing now.......
FOR PARIS
hell yeah.
i'm so amped
its going to be epic
me
raejay
uncle jeff
aunt lexine
AHHHHHHH
i cant even imageine. i want to smoke some exotic french cigarettes and drink wine and get crunk i am so excited.
AND MAYBE CALI WITH LINDSAY AFTER??!!? thatd be amazing. DISNEYLAND. omg. DRIVING, FREEDOM, IN CALI. i hope i can go.

<3 <3 <3 <3

a tight tye-dye dress, she was a psycadelic mess

Sat, 13 May 2006 19:43:55 GMT

sooooo i'm not good at updating. evey time i'm always liek "well i havent written in a while..." and i really haven't. my birthdays next week. everything's going so good. my mom and i are getting along really well, i've been telling her alot more stuff lately too, its kinda fun. and daddy's pretty good, nuts, but good. and daniel! i know we just started hanging out but hes sooo nice. he like just calls to see what i'm doing. and i love playing tennis/ping pong with him. not trying to sound cocky, cuz im definately not that good, but its kinda fun playing somenoe better than you at something for a change. i'm not a very good loser though haha ummmmmm yeah....going carshopping soon!! like whenever dad gets home. i'm so excited to get my licence. i really didn't think tghis day would ever come haha. it probably wont be that cool, but i'm excited. and my bday party's next week. it has potential for sure! i'm excited about the limo. i hope it all goes welllllllllllllll....i got a job at 4 love 21! i'm happpy about that! justin in time too since i wont be hostessing for a hwileeeeeeee and i met a very cute boy named jesse who works at industrial...! eye candy haha oh my oh my. i went to flag last weekend and hungout with little maxy& crew. it was fun seeing them again. andddd throwing dough off the roof of alpine. chicos coming home, and i'm not at all excited. i think i finally dont like him AT ALL. like zero. none. ahhhhh this is what i call happieness. ummmmm yeahhh thats about it. to sum it all up: everything's amazing right now.

nothing but peace love& unity
<3

Sun, 02 Apr 2006 19:05:28 GMT

sooo its been a while? yeah definately.
mmmm.im tryuing to think of important stuff that has happened in the past.
and im drawing blanks.
letsssssss see
i'm on the tennis team.
we just had spring break.
itw as super fun.
me and sami went to flag with my dad for a few days, and met some really cute kids. max rich is growing up so fast! that sounds werid coming from my mouth but he really is. and he has cute friends. cman's crazy, and so is tyme. we played in the snow up there too, it was cold!!!!
mmmmmmmmm yeah so i met this kid named jeff who has parties like every night, and i've gone there a few times and met some new people. its cool i guess. but the freaking cops like always come and it makes me a sad panda cuz its really scary and not fun hopping fenses.
i've been hanging out with hehe alot lately! (hannah heaton) i love her! she's really funny. haha. and her hoooookahhhhh i love hookah! its one of my favorite thhihngs!
i'm trying tothink of whatelse.
well, chico was in town all last week. he left yestereday. i'm sad. i'm such a fucking idiot about him. idk why but i just like can't ever stasy mad at him, and i cant say no. actually i did and i'm proud of it but thats irrelivant. i feel like a hypocrite cuz before i was like fuck him bla hblah but then i like hugnout with him. and it was fun. idk things were like kindof different this time than before, but i think differeent in a better way. like we werent like telling eachother we like eachother or anything (which is good) and we were just having a good time. and i'm really surprised my mom just like left us. friday was the last time i saw him. i went home from school early and hungout with him all afternoon. it was really fun. i just like spending time with him now. like berfoer all we did was hookup all the tme, and i mean yeah we did and whatnot but we were talking alot too and just like cuddeling and stuff and i thought that was way better. but now he's gone and i'm like starting over thinking about him again and he's still in new mexico. but hes coming back in june...hopefully not when i'm in paris...
ummm i'm trying to think of anything else. me and layne got in a pretty big fight, and didn't talk for almost a month. thats a record for us. she just called on friday and apologozied and stuff and i said i was sorry too. i guess were cool now.
on dude yeah i forgot. on freaking friday i had to sleep in this kid JT's car. itwas so lame. lamest night ever on friday!!!
except me and amber took adrian's car for a little ride without him knowing, hah ait was so fun. i love being able to drive a stickshift! it's so badass. when we came home he was like OMG I WAS SO CLOSE TO CALLING THE COPS!! i guess its a new car haha. he said i'm the first person besides him to drive it lol it wouldnt havbe been so lame if the freaking cops hadn't come cuz then i wouldnt' have goten separated from amber and would habe been able to sleep in a nice warm bed. or at least inside a fucking house! damn!
oh yeah! not this weekend but the one before that (last weekend lol) we had my grampas 80th birthday party at our house! it was really fun. i konw sometmes family parties can be bummers, but we dont have them that oftend. and i love it. we have a big family, and i love getting to see those people you dont normally get to! Like AJ, omg. it makes me want to cry. he completely fucked up his whole life bcuase of stupid decisions, and now hes in and out of jail AND a father. and the mother is his best friends fiance. how fucked up. but i love him so mcuh.

so yeah not much else to say here. except boys, idk. i don treally like anyone i geuss. thats about it!

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 00:24:31 GMT

BASIC...

piercings = my ears
tattoos = no ma'am
height= five foot four
shoe size = 6
hair color = blonde,but its turning dark on me
siblings = im an only child =]

LAST...

movie you rented = ummmm i dont remember.
movie you bought = donnie darko
song you listened to = the ballod of johnny butt by sublime
song that was stuck in your head = sublime
cd you bought = i think an oldschool acoustic sublime CD and a system of a down CD
cd you listened to = 40 oz to freedom
person you've called = layne
person that's called you = my mommy
tv show you've watched = cribs?
person you were thinking of = sawyer, im talking to him on aim.
you wish you could live somewhere else = yesss. a beach.
you think about suicide = um definately NOT
you believe in online dating = nah
others find you attractive = i wouldn't know.
you want more piercings = yeah i might.
you like cleaning = on ocasion
you write in cursive or print = its print but they all flow together haha

FOR OR AGAINST...

long distance relationship.: it depends on the distance and the boy.
suicide = against. in 95% of situations.
killing people = is there a good reason?
teenage smoking = if they want to, let them.
driving drunk = they have to give it the hour rule or im against it!
gay/lesbian relationships: um, if that makes them happy then they should do whats right. i have gay neighbors, and they have a cool house so i like them.
soap operas = um, lame?

HAVE YOU...

ever cried over a girl= yeah, girls can be pretty fucking mean.
ever cried over a boy = guiltyyy
ever lied to some: yess.
ever been arrested = no but ive come too close for comfort.

WHAT...

shampoo do you use = this special like herbal stuff my dad has.
shoes do you wear = my checkered vans or my flipflops
are you scared of = when the lights go out.

NUMBER...
of times I have been in love?= not that many. maybe even none.
of times I have had my heart broken? = enough
of hearts I have broken? = maybe one?
of girls I have kissed? = not that many
of boys I have kissed? = i dont know.
of girls I've slept with? = like a sleepover?
of boys I've slept with? = like a sleepover?
of scars on my body? = a whole fucking mess of them
of things in my past that I regret? = i dont regret anything. i lean from my mystakes, and i dont regret that.
of guys that have seen you naked?= who do you think i am? well this one kid saw 'half of the whole inchalada' as he put it...but we dont talk about those things.and that was wayyyy back in the day when i was flat anyway so it doesnt make a difference.haha
number of girls that have seen you naked?= idk ?

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
funny - layne tells me im the funniest eprson she knows! =]
hot - negitive
friendly - yes,
amusing - sami laughs at me alot. thats amusing right?
ugly - mmm not exactly ugly.
loveable - i dont know. maybe?
caring - yeah i care. just depends if i like you how much i care.
sweet - yeah?
dorky - hmmmm, you decide for yourself.

favorite:
4 letter word: F-U-C-K
actor/actress: Ryan Renyolds. (Van Wylder) <3 or jake gyllenhaal?
Candy: sour. anyyyything sour.
Cartoon: SOUTHPARK
Cereal: cocopuffs?
Chewing gum: hubba bubba max!!!
Color(s): greeeen.
Color nail polish: hot pink, and on the toenails, hot pink with sparkles.
Day of week: umm, i like fridays and satrdays and thursdsays.
Least fave day of week: MONDAY OR TUESDAY! with out a doubt.
Jello flavor: i hate the feeling of eating jello. and my grandma always used to make me eat it, so now i don't. uck.
Jewelry: neclaces and bracelets.
Trampolines or swimming pools: i like them both, but im the owner of swimming pools not trampolines (id get a trampoline if i could though)

|| Person who last.. ||
Slept in your bed: me i think ?
Made you cry: i cant remember
Yelled at you: maybe my mom?

|| Have you ever.. ||
Said "I love you" and meant it?: i believe i have.
went in public in ur pajamas: duh i sport thosse all the time!
kept a secret from everyone: i dont know!
Cried during a movie: hell yeah!
Been on stage: yeah, i hate it!
Been to New York: NO but hopefully soon
Been to California: fuck yes, i love it!
Hawaii: YES AND I LOVE IT<3333
China: no, and i have no intension, i'd get lost in the sea of chinks!
Canada: no, i dont know what it's abooot haha
Europe: nope but i get to go there for my 16th birthday!!! yessss
Asia: no they scare me over there. those damn commies.
South America: no.
Australia: no,but i want to wtf mate haha
Wished you were the opposite sex: no, not particularly.
What time is it now?: 5 25
Apples or bananas?: apples, FUCK BANANAS!
Blue or red?: Rojo!
Walmart or target?: target, not a big walmart fan (eek)
Spring or Fall?: ummm both
What are you gonna do after you finish this?: i dont know
What was the last meal you ate?: french ffriesssss
Are you bored?: emmm a little
Last noise you heard?: an airplane outside
Last smell you sniffed?: i smell nothing. my nose is stuffed.

|| Friendship/Love ||
Do you believe in love at first sight?: i ddont know.
Do you want children one day, if so, how many ?: idk but if i do more than 1 so theyre not lonely.
Boys name(s): conrad, vulcan,
Girlsname(s): i havent thought about it much
Most important thing to you in a friendship is: knowing they're there for you. <333

|| Other Info ||
Criminal record?: emmm i don tthink so?
Do you speak any other languages?: ESPANOL PUNTO!
Last book you read: A million little pieces
Worst feeling in the world: when i fuck up big time and when i let my dad down
Who you love: my friends and family
Who you miss: Sawyer!

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 03:04:16 GMT

Well. I have a few complaints.
Mostly it's this: it feels like EVERY time i have something good happeneing, or a chance of something good happening with me and a boy {every boy} it gets completely fucked, in one way or another. Sawyer moved back to Montana. How fucking rediculious is that? I mean, honestly. I have the worst luck with boys I've ever seen. Right when it feels like they like me back or something more than 'just firends' might happen, BOOM no chances are done and everythings over. I hate it. DAMNIT.

But other than that, everythings good.
at least i kind of got to say goodbye to him. FINALS WERE THIS WEEK! hurray, they're done. i love half days.

this week's been hard though.
i found out last weekend that Kaleigh's brother, Austin, accidently killed himself.
Wednesday after the half day sami layne & me went to laynes and got stuff ready for the candle vidual, and ryan dustin sawyer seth ben and some other kid {that looks like kevin mckee, i cant remember his name} came to laynes and hhungout and nav and justin were there for a little bit.

I think the candle vidual was so fucking beautiful. we made it so perfect. i konw even if kaleigh didn't tell us, it means alot to her. it would have meant a lot to me if my friends put something that beautiful together.

Thursday after school i went with seth sawyer jordyn jacob and kellen to seths house and then back to kevins. then sami and layne came over then i had to go to work. after work i hung out with sawyer. we went up to camelback mountain and just like hungout for alittle while and stuff. fuck im so mad hes gone. i liked him. blahhh whatever though.

friday i hugnout with layne and sami, and we went to kachina park and hungout with ryan dustin kevvy and some other kids. it was cool. then we went to elizabeth touche's, NOT cool. i can't believe she had people drinking at her house when her mom was there. i dont care if her mom said it was okay for her to have friends over, it was gay to have them be drinking then like trippin out about it, what the fuck did you expect dumbass? yeah, they're loud. thats your own fault.

saturday morning i did a charity thing at the terrraces old home for NCl. it was really rewarding hanging out with those old people and seeing how much happier they are made by the kindness of visitors that they don't even know. i dont want to get old, it looks sad, scary, and lonely. really lonely.

after i went home, changed then went to austin's funeral. it was sad. i hate funerals. i fucking hate them. it was a very nice service though, and the slide show was beautiful. those pictures are adoreable. i wish there was a way for funerals to be happy, instead of sad.

then layne and i went to her little sisters bday party at the railroad park. we went on a ride on the train! it was fun. i hadn't been there since summer before last. oh man.

then we weent back to my casa and then we went to blakey boy's bday party! that was pretty fun i guess, but not the funnest. then we came home and like passed out hahah ti was badass. one thing i really didn't like at all though was when we were there early like when there was only 7 people there two of the kids were playing with a fucking gun. it was so stupid i can't even describe how mad i was that right after something horrible like that they would go and fuck around with the same kind of fucking gun. stupid boys.

today we didn't do much, but it was fun, and so funny.

last week i got drug tested, and im grounded for a month at my moms. whatever. next weekend will be boting and i'll just be forced to make up for it during the weekend after that. tough luck.

i think that even though there are times when things seem really shitty, that in the end, all the good things balance out with the shitty. so if you're going to hard times, look ahead because in front of you is lots of happieness.

<3

you're beautiful and you don't even know it

Sun, 08 Jan 2006 18:21:46 GMT

um monday we went back to school was normal i guess. school is school though. gay.
but seeing friends was fun.

tuesday, same. boring. moms house. enough said.

wednesday,sami and layne came over after school, we went to subdway.
then sawyer and seth toby came over and we smoked. it was fun.
then they left, sami layne and i did homework and whatnot.then ryan came over and hungout with us for a while. after everyone left, i got dinner with my daddy.
then sawyer came back over. we smkoed, went to TPP, then sat up on camelback for a while. it was fun. we looked at the stars and just talked.then we came back to my casa and played videogames. lol. yeah, i think i like sawyer.

thursday i had work. then after i had to come home and do homework. i honestly think its the most consentrated i've been on homework for a while. i felt really accomplished! so i rewarded myself after.

friday was omg soooooo amazing! RYANS BIRTHDAY!!!! 18! yeahhhh it was so fun. we made him shirts! sami and layne tye dyed them and we decorated them and wore him to his party at jakes house. it was sooo bomb! there was like 10 million people there. and 3 kegs! and soooooo much bud! i was way too high though. haha if you can be too high. and a little drunk. it was badass. me and layne slept at my casa.

saturdayyyyy was fun too! layne and i hugnout at the casa and smoked and whatnot and then ryan came over and chilled with us then we went to steven avalos's house and hungout there for a while. it was pretty badass. then i came home and took a shower then went to laynes. a bunch of people came over and we were just drinking and smoking and whatnot and then we went to danny leavys house, then to angela grubers house. it was badass there was alot of people at angelas. thennnnnn we went back to laynes.. then sami layne and i went to ihop!! then sami had to go home, i hope shes okay.

todayyyy i walked home when i woke up.
and i have to do a gay NCL thing this afternoon. which is lame.
later i might hangout with sawyer, or layne and sami and themmmm =]

LIFE IS SO GOOD.
i cant even begin to cover it.

Mon, 02 Jan 2006 03:10:49 GMT

ohhh man.
another long time inbetween entry's! not as long as before, but alot has happened!!!!
soo i guess jeff and i were sortof together? or we liked eachtoehr at least, for a little while. but im over that now. and sos he. but were still friends so whatever its all good.
andd this past two weeks, the last one specificly, have been some of the best everrr!!!
especially last night.
that was amazing.. im not kidding, like best new years ever, hands down.
&& I got my permit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeahhhh boy!!!!

right now theres some heather drama going on, but i dont want to say anything specific other than im really pissed off right now.

butt for the most part, life is good!!

boy wise, nothing going on. surprised? nope. but whatever

LATER 2005, SUP 2006!
im so stoked for whats going to happen this year.
its only getting better from here!!!

Sun, 27 Nov 2005 22:27:31 GMT

omg.
i haven't updated this thing in forever.
sereiously.
like a whole lifetime has passed.
i cant even begin to describe half of the things that have happened since then.

i'll just recap the weekend.
wednesday- layne and sami came over! itwas fun.
thursday- thanksgiving, worked at the OP, made money, sami and layne came over, it was fun =]
friday- just hung low. visited grampa. i guess it was fun
saturday- spent the night at laynes with sami blake and ryan. =]
today [sunday]- going to visit my grampa, going to laynes bday dinner, then zoo lights! then maybe hangout with jeff?

idk.
but i love my life.

Sun, 26 Jun 2005 18:45:30 GMT

this has been a very fun few days!
thursdayyyyyyy lets see.
well, i dont remember what i did during the day but i know at night i was with sergio justy shelton jesse chico and sami and we just hung out and stuff and went to sheltons and cruised on camelback mountain and stuff. it was fun. then sami and i got picked up by jay layne and kaylen and went to bens for a little while then i went home.

fridayyyyy daytime i chilled around the casa with my pops then jsut drove around to do some erands and then claire came over. we went to pick up stuff at claires then picked up justy sunshine and carly from justys then went to laynes and chilled there. then i left and was with colin and kevvie and jacob and carl for a while then went home at like 11. fun night fun night!!

saturdayyy daytime chilled at home, afternooon got picked up by serg dog chico and jesse. then we picked up maddison chancie boy and alexa then we got myriah and kelsey clark. then we like drove arond and shit then we dropped off the little couples (all the freshmen and chico and jesse) at myriahs and bailed to go get Pete! (i got to drive part of the way there in sergios car....badass!) then we got shelton layne sami carly and kaylen. then we went to this gorgeous guy named mikes house and i chilled there for a while then got picked up artound 11 and went home.FUNNN NIGHT!

idk about today i'm almost sertain i'm hanging out with layne though =)

i hope the rest of my summer is as fun as these last few days. thatd be badass.

i got 99 problems but a BITCH ain't one

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 23:24:59 GMT

Duuuude
long time no update.
hmm
well.
hawaii was so fucking super duper amazingly fun. i didn't want to leave.
it was so much fun you have no idea. yeah, you definately should be jelous. those two weeks went by reallly fast. i <3 ziggy rocket, tulula roo and lilly. and our pimpin' casa& convertable. dammit man it was so fuckin awesome. sami, i had so much fun. i'd go back with you anytime!! haha
beware of falling coconuts man!

got home on thursday and had a surprise visit by jesse chico and sergio.
fun.

they came back on friday and spent like all day at my house.

saturday, idk nothing i guess.

sunday, fathers day, got to go to dadddys house. hung out with layne for the first timme in FOREVER. it was way fun, we hung out with sunshine and petey boy. they were a little queer at the beginning of the eving, but everything worked out okay.

monday+tuesday sucked becuase this stupid annoying girl named hannah from flagstaff was at my house following me teh entire time and telling me that i looked liek a slut. basically. godamn.

wednesday was fun. went to my daddys, phew no more hannah. went over to laynes (sami was there too) and went swimming then went home while they ate din din at laynes pops casa. picked up justy shelton and chilled with him for like an hour before meeting up with sami and layne again and went to fiddlesticks. that was some fun shit. got in a pretty intense crash and had to evacuate the car because it got stuck or something (i got a fuckin bruise from that! stupid little bitches) and then we just cruised in serg dog's car for a while.

yeahhh.
thats about it.
i love summer.
and i love my friends.
but i hate the arizona heat.
shit man, it sucks.

i'm going to california on the 4th and i'm excited.

Fri, 06 May 2005 05:08:44 GMT

so yeah now its time for a normal update.
monday-tennis
tuesday- jessicas house; finished project for kamperrr; stupid bike ride; messed up my purdy little bike
wednesday- sami came over; tennis; idiot endused drama
today- sami& meggy came over; guitar; played tennis with pops; drove home form by claires house; learned DAMNIT on guitar; CINCO DE MAYO DIN DIN AT THE OPIZZLE
tomorrow- DIAMONDBACKS GAMEE // HULLABLUE (hell yes--strawberry) AFTER; sleep over con Sami y Claire. either at clairse or mine, dont know which yet!

right now i'm watching southpark.
I OWN SEASON FIVE HELLLLLL YESSS.
it makes me wayyyy happy.. ... =)

ITS ALLRIGHT
TO TELL ME
WHAT YOU THINK
ABOUT ME
I WONT TRY TO ARGUE
OR HOLD IT AGINST YOU
I KNOW THAT
YOU'RE LEAVIN'
YOU MUST HAVE
YOUR REASONS
THE SEASON
IS CALLING
& YOUR PICTURES
ARE FALLING DOWN

jackasses being asses, what else is new?

Fri, 06 May 2005 04:54:30 GMT

so yeah.
this kid that i used to like, told this other kid a secret that was suposed to be just between me and the guy i used to like.
and they told one of my best friends, who I didn't even tell. so then, i ask the guy i used to like why he told the other guy about it. and he got mad.
then the guy who told my best friend got mad at ME. and said I should have asked HIM before i told the guy i used to like about it. but it's not even his business, and he shouldn't have told my best friend, so he's stupid.
then he was freaking out about the kid i used to like "wanting to beat him up" and i told him like a million times to chill cuz i know hiim and he wouldn't do that
and he even before said that the kid was lame, and now hes freaking out saying "hes losing a friend" whatever.
AND THEN he gets all buthurt and writes a journal entry, making him sound like the victim. when it wasn't even his shit, and he should chill out about it.

i used to think this kid was cool, but unless he can chill out man, then forget him.

bitches these days.
hahahah

god, what is this? the friggin flintstones?

Mon, 02 May 2005 03:52:32 GMT

it's "May Day" (as my grandfather informed me...)

well today was good.
except i was EXTREMELY sore. intense gocarting outing yesterday left me bruised, but soooooo satisified.
me and sami played a good 3 hours of videogames today. it was absolutely awesome.

we went to lunch at applebees.

then we went to target, where i got THE 5TH SEASON ON SOUTHPARK!!!

i visited my grampa today, in his "rehab" place. not for drugs er anything, cuz he was in the hospital and he was ready to leave there, but not ready enough to go home.

thats about it.

<3333333333

Sun, 01 May 2005 02:57:46 GMT

haven't updated in a while
so as you might be able to imagine
alot of shit has happened.
some of it was good, some was bad.
whatever though.
hmm
today was good
went to fidddlesticks with sami
started shit with little 10 year olds who were being little faggots about the gokarts. hahahah. little boys are stupid

HAWAII SOON
& my birthday.
but i'm way more excited about hawaii.
hellll yeahh.

friday was fun too.
didn't do anything
just hung out with sami& stuff

later

Deliver Us From The CHUMPS and SUCKERS <3

Thu, 24 Feb 2005 06:13:06 GMT

k yeah its been a while
nothing cool happened.
haha
TWIRP is on saturday
hmm....should be.. cool?
i guess.
i'm not that excited though.
DAMNNNNIT GOD DAMNNNNNIT
i hate everything
i dont nkow why
just in one of those moods
hahaha
today
i had tennis
I FUCKING LOVE TENNIS
it's so fucking fun
i love it.
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS<33

i also love third eye blind
so much
and sublime
holy shit
and pepper
don't get me started <33
HENDRIX, my god
listen to "Axis: Bold as Love"
it is MAGICAL i fucking love it
AHHH
WITHOUT MUSIC
I WOULD DEFINATELY
GO
I.N.S.A.N.E.
duhhhhh
<33

ALSOOOOO
i love the words
STATUE
and
CHUMP
and CHUBBY
those are my favorite words
oh myyyyyy
i'm so weirdd.

PS DO A RAINDANCE
SO THERES NOT TENNIS TOMORROW
PLEASE
<3 hehe

why is love intensified by absence?

Fri, 11 Feb 2005 04:48:12 GMT

The truth is.. as much as i wanted to believe that we would be together forever. i expected him to say goodbye. i knew it wouldn't last like we both had said it would. we're at two completely different stages in our lives right now. and as much as you want something to work, that doesn't mean it's going to. you can try everything in your power, and by the last page, it'll end. as much as it felt like a story book romance, i knew it wouldn't end like one.. mistakes were made, second chances were given, lies were told, and still, i forgave him. i loved him, and i still do. i'll probably love him for a very long time. and as much as i act like it doesn't bother me losing him, it does. i'm just mad at the fact how much he changed, and how he did like a complete 180, and i was the last to find out. i'll walk around with a smile on my face all day long, but no one will see the tears i cry at night. no one will see how much it kills me us not talking anymore. and even if we did, that'd only make it harder. so i can honestly say i'm happy i haven't broken down, and tried to talk to him. because that would only make things worse. it'll take time to heal, and try to forget, but everyone knows you can't forget a love that you once experienced. i wish i could just erase these last past 4 months out of my memory, but i know that i can't. and i know that if he ever comes running back, i'll be there, with open arms. he could feed me his sorry bullshit, and i'd eat it like a fancy dinner. i can't believe how much he's changed in not even half a year. i just wish it was all like it had been in the beginning. i'll always remember that and how it felt to be truly happy for the first time in a long time. i'll still want to call him at night, and tell him all about my day.. and when something goes wrong, i'll still want him to comfort me, and tell me it'll all be okay.. but we all know that he won't be there and it won't happen again. and if i ever find someone new, they'll never be able to replace him..

this almost made me cry..

all hail the heart breaker

Fri, 11 Feb 2005 04:42:17 GMT

alrightt.
fuck boys.
i dont get them
one bit.
but im sitll in love with one.
and have been...fore more than a year.
almost like a year and a half actually.
pretty pitiful, ya?
thats how i feel.

hmm
so my two best friends are fighting
which sucks.

and then...
today no tennis
sami and meghan came over
we watched movies
and went to the other place

i fucking love my dads family.
i dont understand how thye're so cool and laid back
except for my aunt.. lol but she doesn't count.
my uncle is sereiously so awesome.
i love him so much.

and my friends ahh i love them so much
i would go crazy without them.

and boys i just wish
that for once
i could actually feel secure
about my feelings. and about the person
that i like having the same feelings.
that would be extremely nice.
i dont even care about valentines day.

but feeling loved.....would be nice.
..it's been a while.

this weekend i dont know.
tomorrow samis coming over
and i have no idea what were doing
but sunday i'm going to the lion king play
and i'm actually excited
haha
lame
i know
blah

lifes boring right now.
and good. and bad. and messed up. and i dont know.
everything else. IDONTGETIT..

and i'm still in awe of last weekend
it was like magical
from the pepper show
which was fucking epic
to making up with chico
which means alot to me.
for ovbious reassons...
but still.
except the eagles losing the superbowl
that was pretty much
the best weekend i've had
in FOREVER.

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